What can you do to support someone experiencing family violence.

Dial 111 and ask for the police if you know someone’s life is in immediate danger.

A person’s life is in immediate danger if their partner’s pattern of behaviour includes:

Death threats.

Unwanted strangling or choking.

Worsening violence.

Controlling behaviour.

Intimidation.

Intense jealousy and possessiveness.

If you have a friend or family member dealing with family violence, encourage them to make choices at their own pace. Show them your support and let them know you are there for them whenever they are ready.

Listen and don’t judge

When someone confides in you about experiencing family violence, they are choosing to trust you. They may share small pieces of information to gauge your reaction before deciding whether to disclose more.

It is important to demonstrate that you are a trustworthy person for them to confide in. Stay composed during your conversation and ask open-ended questions when appropriate. Display your care and support by actively listening, showing respect, and refraining from imposing your own views and biases onto them.

Ask if they feel safe

Avoid asking for excessive or intrusive details. If the person is not comfortable discussing certain topics, don't push for that information. Stay supportive, provide reassurance, and let them know you are available to listen and talk whenever they feel ready.

Offer support, but let them make their own decisions

Individuals experiencing family violence do not necessarily require rescue efforts, although it is understandable if you feel compelled to help in that way. Giving them unsolicited advice and trying to dictate their actions may push them further away from you. Instead, walking alongside them empowers them to take control of their own situation.

You can inquire if they would like to seek assistance from a specialised family violence service.

If they express interest, they can reach out to us at anytime.

Alternatively, if they are open to it and seek your assistance, you can assist them in creating a plan to reach out to our service. Providing structure and documenting details can be a helpful way to offer support. Remember to maintain confidentiality with any information shared.

It is important to respect the wishes of the individual you are supporting if they are not comfortable contacting a family violence service.

Let them know that it is okay if they are not ready and avoid pressuring them to seek help. Instead, reassure them that you care about them, will support them without judgment, and are there for them whenever they need.

Additionally, you can provide them with information that they can review at their own pace when they feel ready. We can help you with this information to provide.

Leaving a violent partner can take time.

Don't abandon the person you are helping if they return to a harmful partner. It is not uncommon for individuals to leave and then return to their abuser multiple times.

This does not mean they desire to return to the abuse.

Get help to provide support, and look after yourself.

You don’t need to do this alone. TWOW can offer advice and information & support.

Email General Enquiries info@twowrefuge.org.nz

Phone Number 07 378 5204.

Crisis Line: 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)

Open 24/7 - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

www.twowrefuge.org.nz

Te Whare Oranga Wairua Māori Women's Refuge Taupō